Burnout

Burnout

Burnout to me has always been a “grown up” syndrome. I pictured a man in a suit, holding his briefcase, wearing a dapper black hat, with dark circles around his eyes, and a flask of whiskey hidden in his suit’s pocket. I pictured burnout as something that would never reach me, a 26 year old girl, who works 24 hours per week, and has cat stickers for her nails. I thought burnout was an old person thing, therefore I would be imune to it.

I was wrong.

My burnout started late august when I went through a break up and didn’t give myself enough time to mourn before starting a new relationship. I love my partner to pieces, we have a beautiful story together, but the truth is I am lacking emotional energy to give my partner the best of me from day one. My previous relationship wasn’t abusive by a long shot, we just weren’t meant to be, still we were together for a year (my longest relationship so far), and to move on probably and heal, I should have given myself more time. But this was only the starting point.

My partner has slowly becoming my best friend, showing me support and love throughout some of the hardest trials life has thrown my way for the past three months. Some parts of my story must still be concealed, as I do not want to start any more wars, but my home life has been sad, stressful, full of betrayal and gut wrenching moments. I am currently starting the process to move to a new place so me, my mother, and my lovely cat can have a peaceful and happy existence.

I also tried to start studying, to further my career in home-care and pre hospital care, which didn’t turn out as I hope it would. The accumulated stress, that once seemed to only creep on me, came down on back like a 30 foot wave, and I found myself exhausted.

I am exhausted. All I can do is sleep, but I still wake up tired. I feel hunger that cannot be satisfied. My muscles are weak, and my guts are constantly upset. I am irritable and cannot communicate it properly, as I’ve done it in the past. Then, we have the migraines, these never stop. I am struggling to shower, to eat, to stay awake. I am burned out, at 26, with my youth and a life that’s not as heavy as people who usually suffer from burnout. And I don’t know how to deal with it.